Dear Larry, 

I fell on my trampoline and broke my wrist. Everything’s fine—I went to the doctor and got a cool new cast, but I don’t have anyone around to sign it or inquire empathetically about my injury! Where can I find some much-needed sympathy?


Broken-hearted and broken-wristed

Dear Broken-hearted and broken-wristed,

I’d tell you to bring a sharpie to school, but unless you can detach your arm and throw it 6 feet away, that’s not an option. Right now, your best bet is to wave your arm empathetically in the middle of your class – either in person or over Zoom – so that your classmates can see. 



Hey Larry,

My roommate pronounced Gif as “jif”. What do I do?

From Angry

Hey Angry,

Send him to the guillotine.

From Larry