Though Concord Academy prides itself on having common trust so deeply ingrained in our culture, like any community, ours nonetheless has conflict. Most people are usually not the center of the conflict, and thus often take on the role of being a bystander when faced with difficult situations. No matter what side of the conflict we believe in, as humans, we tend to steer away from the hassle. But choosing action is the only decision that can lead to a better future.
There are a multitude of reasons for being a bystander. For one, we tend to avoid confrontation. All of us would like to believe that not taking part makes us innocent. We want to do nothing and feel no guilt because of it. There is also a theory known as the bystander effect. With the bystander effect, in situations where multiple people are bystanders, people have an even lower likelihood of stepping up, due to diffusion of responsibility, evaluation apprehension, and pluralistic ignorance. Despite all these factors, we have to recognize that every single one of us has to step up. We cannot expect others to rise to the occasion if we ourselves never do, and if we never call out problems, they will never stop.
The problem with being just a bystander is the fact that you are still perpetuating the problem. In the words of Daena Giardella, “If you let problematic behaviors slide, and they become rampant and tolerated, they threaten to supplant the positive norms you’re trying to instate or maintain.” While not doing anything when faced with an issue may seem neutral, problematic behavior becomes tolerated and perpetuates a culture. Conflict resolution is difficult, but incredibly necessary for a community to thrive.
I myself have become prone to being a bystander. I ignore remarks, insults, gestures, but I know that what is needed in our community is a willingness to change for the better. How is staying silent in the face of repeated racist jokes going to change the situation? How can we strive, if we are watching from afar? How is this person, no matter what you think of them, ever going to stop leaking negative influence on the lives they meet? It is hard to confront someone, especially in a tight knit community, where that someone might just be a close friend. But just telling them to stop could save them and the lives of those around them a bit of human decency. When I get the chance, I do my best to stand up for what I think is right, but I struggle to open my mouth. Sometimes, we have to force it open.
Having faith in one another is something I believe in a lot. Having faith that someone can change, having faith that a community can work together. But the culture of CA starts with us, and every opportunity we find ourselves in. We must have faith in our beliefs to better CA. If we are always just a bystander, we will never be able to steer our community into what is better.